No news is good news

I won't be induced on Saturday (today), afterall. The baby is growing more than we suspected last week and seems very healthy & reactive. I was dialated, but now am not, so induction at this point would mean such extreeme measures (Pitocin in the hospital) that it seems obvious to wait. This last week (41 1/2) is when I usually go into labor on my own, anyway. So, I'll just wait on God's timing some more. I'm not nearly as miserable as I was last week, I finally started sleeping, again. It's AMAZING how much better I feel with 4 or 5 hours sleep compared to 2. Thank you for your continued prayers and support. It makes a world of difference!

Complain - again

We're talking about induction.
I'm about as miserable as I can be without actually being in labor. Being off the progesterone has not been fun. I feel shaky and out of sorts. My skin is crawling and it almost hurts to wear clothes (not because they're too tight, but everything is hypersensitive - temperature, texture, sounds, smells...) I want to cry, alot. I'm having a really hard time sleeping - as I relax, my body will have a huge desire to move (pace, wiggle, flip flop) or I'll hear a non-existant doorbell in the middle of the night and be fully awake with my heart racing. My mind won't process information and everything seems disjointed - like a dream state. I'll see water running and hear water running and not be able to put together that they're coming from the same source. I'm nauseous and having a hard time eating or drinking & the baby doesn't appear to be gaining much of anything the last 2 weeks.

We've got it tentatively planned for Saturday...maybe I'll go into labor on my own.
I'm just holding onto Jesus really tightly -- it's about all I can do.

Baby Story 2000

With the cradle sitting out and all the baby items around, each child wants to know who I bought/made what for and birth stories are abounding. Here's one about DS#3.

Ds#3 made his thrilling entry (we were expecting our third girl, not our first boy) in 2000. He weighed 7lbs 12oz and except for getting a little stuck and bruised was healthy and wonderful! Dave was busting his buttons to call everyone with the surprising news of a son.

This was the first time a baby came without induction for us and it wasn’t the romantic image I had expected. Dave is notorious for sleeping through night-time happenings and when I woke up at 3am with contractions (although I didn’t tell him that’s what I thought they were); Dave only wanted to go back to sleep instead of giving me the back massage I'd woken him up for. Angrily, I decided to let him sleep. I went downstairs and cleaned the kitchen until I couldn't deny that this really was labor. I showered and called my girlfriend about an hour after I'd woken up to come take me to the hospital thereby leaving Dave in his bed. She refused when she found out Dave was still sleeping. I told her I'd just walk to the hospital myself - we lived about a mile away- rather than take that horrible man who would rather sleep than help me during labor (he still didn't know I was in labor). She threatened to come wake him up herself (by throwing rocks through his bedroom window if needed) and call the police to come pick up a pregnant lady in labor walking by the side of the road in the middle of the night if I didn't wake him up.

He woke up when I switched on the light and curtly told him I was going to the hospital with or without him. Then I proceeded to curl my hair with a curling iron and blurry-eyed, he couldn't understand why I wouldn’t speak to him. By the time we got to the hospital (about 5:30am?) and the nurse was asking him questions about my labor progress, he politely suggested she talk to me since we were having a bit of a communication problem just then. Thankfully (for me) he’s wonderful at assuaging my anger and I forgave him just as the contractions got tough.

Ds#3 was turned so I had front and back labor, which made natural childbirth more difficult, and I asked for pain killers once. My girlfriend, who was Ds#3's Godmother-to-be, and Dave were shocked, but the nursed talked me out of them by reminding me of the side effects, but giving me the choice. Praying with Ds#3's Godmother in the delivery room was an exceptional experience...and I’m so thankful I didn’t leave Dave behind. (I think he would’ve been a little upset...)

Pregnancy Complaints #349

This last part of pregnancy has been tough. I don't even feel like blogging or talking on the phone. The physical pains already described here in this space haven't diminished -- some more have crept in. Serious insomnia even with taking Benedryl every night (although I'm getting lots of reading in). I've also been struggling with intense mood swings (they don't swing all that positive, though) and depression. Dave and all my friends and my midwife have all been working hard to keep me on an even keel, but I'm still fairly tossed by the waves of what's going on inside of me.

Dave and I had a long talk today (after our fight last night- we didn't throw anything at each other, it just felt horrible) and I thought from last night that he didn't want to be my friend any more. It was a terribly painful realization last night. Today, I told him how desperately I've needed him and no matter how much I didn't want to be so needy right now, I just am. He said that each pregnancy takes HIS best friend away from him and that he knows this is hard on me, but it's hard on him, too. I told him that I missed me too and I can hardly wait to get back the person I used to be. We agreed it's just hard all around. He understood me. Then, after making sure the kids were packed and shipping them off to his mom's, he took me out for dinner. My painful realization last night was a misunderstanding perpetrated by both of us struggling to keep up with this. Life is hard, but God is good. (terrific Pam Thum song)

Quote of the Day

A few times a day I allow a child to sit next to me (to read a book to me, etc.), but I'm so uncomfortable and if they move slightly, I'm really uncomfortable. I continually tell them not to wiggle.
Ds#4

Mama, I don't like you being pregnant...I miss your
lap.

Baby Check List

I'm seriously sick of putting negative posts on my blog, so this is my attempt at something positive.
This is for my purposes -- don't bother reading it, unless you're REALLY bored.

Done :

Clothes - Thanks to Heather & Jenny, I'm set for even "end of pregnancy" pregnancy clothes.

Baby Clothes - sorted by size, washed & put away (mostly). I have tons of sleepers - that'll get us through until I'm mobile enough to shop. My babies are always swaddled, anyway, so no one knows what they're really wearing, no matter how cute it is.

Receiving blankets - I always go through these, but I have enough to start. - I like the big ones (60"x40") because my babies grow out of the regular ones when they still want to be swaddled. We're big swaddlers around here. (Dave suggested I make some of my own -- does he think this is my 2nd baby or something?? There's no way I have time, or energy, for nicey, nicey projects like that!)

Burp pads - I have a confession to make. I don't know how to burp a baby. NONE of my babies would burp for me. I would beat their backs like I was beating a rug on a line and they'd just bounce with it -- but no burp. Subsequently, they spit up ALOT. I ALWAYS smell like milk (no matter how many times I change my clothes). I comfort myself in the fact that mother's milk doesn't stain as much. Therefore, I need TONS of these. I found 2. Cari & Patrice both offered to give me theirs (Thank you, ladies). Dave suggested I make some -- please see above entry.

Baby Towels, Washcloths, etc - Baby bathtub: check. I bought a couple of towels & several washcloths & found a few from previous babies. Another admission : I found the baby towels in our linen closet. That means that I haven't gone through that closet completely since Ds#4 quit using a baby bathtub (like when he was 4 months old!! He's 5, now.) I still need to get some bath supplies (baby scissors, nail clippers, aspirator, baby wash, brush, etc).

Bumper Pads, Sheets, Waterproof pads - I found them & they all washed up better than I'd hoped for. The room is a cloud theme & the crib bumper pads are light blue with sheep on them. When we move the baby from the cradle to a crib, I'll need to get sheets & waterproof pads for that -- but that isn't usually for 4 months or so.

Baby Mobile - I was thinking musical in baby blue & white; clouds, airplanes, sheep (the crib bumper pads I have), do you think they have masculine looking angels in a mobile and baby blues? [Isn't this topic so much more pleasant than all my pregnancy woes? ] I'm thinking I'll have to wait until I can shop to find this -- nothing quite did the trick online. (Do you know that Target.com has bunches of specific team mascots for baby mobiles?? I must not be in the loop...it just doesn't appeal to me at all.) I had to make a mobile for Dd#1 (I bought & revamped a teddy bear one by making clothes for the bears in the colors I wanted) -- I will have 5 kids by then, though.... but this idea looks seriously interesting... and with satin ribbon & an embroidery hoop, this could be kewl, too!

Baby Monitor - Thanks, Patrice!

Bouncey Seat - Thanks, Amy!

Car Seat - Thanks, Kerri!

Diaper Bag - While I was writing this, I was looking around online for a link to remind myself what I wanted, I found it. So I asked Amy to stop by Target (her favorite store) and pick it up for me. So I can put this in the done category! I liked this one, too, but it's a little smaller and better for when he's not an infant. I know where to find it, now!

Nursing Clothes, sleeper - I haven't managed to find much of this. I did buy a nursing bra (shhh, don't tell anyone I'm blogging about undergarments -- Dave would be sooo embarrassed). I really intensely dislike nursing bras. Undoing those snaps while a kid is screaming is NOT inconspicuous nursing. Alternatively, trying to re-hook yourself while not letting the baby roll off your lap when it really does take 2 hands and the baby is ready to spit up because he nursed too long (see the burp pads confession above) is NOT inconspicuous nursing. Amy recommended Glamour Mom's tank, but the snaps scare me off. I like (what I really like is not nursing in public, but that's not really an option if I'm going to have a clue what my other kids are doing in the doctor's office or anywhere else. I also REFUSE to be relegated to the bathroom stall)... I like bras with lots of elastic so I can just yank & go.
Anyway...I don't like nursing nightgowns with the slits from the neckline down on either side -- I end up hanging out at night. We've already discussed snaps & hooks. I've been wondering if these pajamas would do the trick. There's not much else out there....thus, why I haven't gotten anything. Dave says I'm picky. I just counter that HE should have to nurse the baby exclusively for 4-6 months and see if he's less opinionated by the end of that.

6 foot gate - this is wishful thinking and nothing I'll need until the kid can move, around 8 months my babies scootch & 10 months for crawling -- so I'll have time in the spring to garage sale for this. Gates keep my babies alive and I know it. Dave HATES gates - they interfere with his late-night-I-don't-want-to-turn-on-the-light-scrounging-for-snacks. He's inevitably limping the next morning (a tell-tale sign).

Day 4

This is officially Day 4 (or night 4 as the case may be) of almost constant Braxton Hicks. It's almost comical (and yet...) that everytime my stomach gets hard as a rock I'm totally nauseous at the same time. The last 4 days have been...what's the positive way to say this...MISERABLE. I've felt like I had the DT's (not that I exactly know what those feel like) just crawling out of my own skin -- restless and anxious barely begin to scratch the surface. If I could run away from my body, I would. Sunday (yesterday according to my body's clock) I had accompanying...bathroom issues...to boot. I had to quit wearing my Medieval Torture Apparatus. Usually when I take it off, I'm in pain, but I was so miserable that I didn't notice.

Yesterday marked the beginning of the end. Not because these are all pre-labor symptoms (remember that my body can "pretend" to go into labor and have huge pre-labor symptoms for weeks -or more), but because one of my greatest priorities on earth as has been officially stymied. I made a valiant attempt to make it through Mass yesterday morning .... and failed. The kids brought me breakfast in bed and I laid in bed directing the traffic of the kids getting ready until almost 15 minutes before we walked out the door to preserve my energy. It wasn't enough. Half-way through I had to leave and go lay in the van with the air-conditioning on until Dave & the kids were done and could take me home. If I can't make it through the most important thing in my week, the one thing that I'm willing to expend my entire energy for the day to do, I'm not sure I'll be able to make it through anything outside my house. It's at this point that I'll have to rely on the kindness of strangers (well, actually really good friends) to get me through.

oh...and another thing. We're having fly issues. We've had fruit flies since AUGUST that I've been trying to battle, but just when I think we've got them licked, 2 days go by and we have them again. The going rate is $0.25 per house fly the kids kill and yesterday they earned $3.00. Where are they all coming from?? Dave informed me last night the the garbage can in our attached garage was "covered" in them. So we have pestilence as well as plague (can pregnancy be considered plague?) ...this is some sort of test...and I think I'm failing.

More complaining

I am mad. I couldn't get to sleep until 1:30am due to hot flashes and tonight I've been anxious and soooooo restless - and the baby is doing acrobatics (it may be him just sharing my whacked out hormones). I've been awake for what feels like hours (actually 1hr 15min) and I'm tired and I've had a tough night. I want to be DONE but in objective reality I've got 5 weeks to go and I usually go 1 1/2 - 2 weeks past my due date (so it could be closer to 7 weeks!). I want to be DONE. ....I also want to wait on God's perfect timing -- except that I want to be DONE.

Medieval Torture Apparatus

I got my Medieval Torture Apparatus in the mail and put it on right away. I'm amazed at the difference it's made. I still have a lot of difficulty getting around (reduced mobility, it takes a big effort to walk and stand), but I'm not in pain all the time like I was. THANK YOU, JESUS!


Here are the answers to some of the questions I've been getting :

• If this thing were made of black leather straps rather than white elastic, it would look like a weird pregnancy S&M thing.
• No, I won't embarrass Dave by taking my picture in it and posting it on my blog -- even OVER my clothes! (My husband would be mortified.)
• The cheapest place I found it was Amazon for $71 + $10 s&h.
• Thank you Laura, my midwife, and Janis, her nurse for recommending it. I've had this condition for the last 4 pregnancies (it just got worse with each one) and they are the first to diagnose anything more than "pregnancy hurts."
• After having it on for 5 hours the first day, I sat for several hours. I braced myself for the effort and pain of having to stand. I exerted the tremendous effort to stand and steadied myself for the wave of pain and the following wave of nausea from the pain that was to follow. Standing was an effort...but no pain. I was just ... standing. I was AMAZED and THRILLED!! No pain, no nausea -- just effort.
• It takes a few hours of having it on in the morning before I notice a difference.
• It has reduced the constant sensation of needing to go to the bathroom. I only have that sensation when I really need to go.

$100 + difficulty getting it on + absurdity of the contraption = a small price to pay for this much pain reduction.

Party Central

The kids decided to have a party today...at 4:30am. I don't know who woke up whom, but I know I WAS asleep when I heard the party going on. After a whispered lecture (Dave was still sleeping) and sending them to bed, then I was awake and couldn't sleep. So I got up and went to 6:15am Mass and got home before Dave even got out of bed at 7am. Good morning, Jesus! I always physically feel wiped after morning Mass, but I figure I sure do need the graces. We've gotten a little school done (the kids were up when I got home) and I'm off to bed for a morning nap. I'm sort of thinking this weird schedule my body and my kids are keeping (against my will) won't get better after the baby's born....

Heaven Sent

Over the weekend, a wonderful servant of Christ offered to do my shopping for me. I usually buy for the month, so it's a huge job. When I said 'no', this servant of Christ threatened to come beat me up if I didn't allow her to help me. ...ok

After working 9 hours as a nurse, she came and picked up my list. Then at 10:30pm, after 5 hours of shopping, she came back with $530 worth of groceries for our family. She helped cut up the meats and get the perishables taken care of and the kids just had to help put away the pantry items. Then she left so she could go to work in the morning!

It was SUCH a HUGE job and I appreciate all her efforts! It feels so good to have that DONE!

THANK YOU, Jesus, for willing servants -- please bless them.

Maternity Support Garment

I called several stores in town and none of them have what I need. But calling Babies 'R Us and trying to explain THIS to 3 different MEN (one of which didn't know what maternity meant) was the pinacle. I sent the picture to my husband so he could get his laughs out of his system before I put this on for the first time.

My mom told me things like this were common knowledge in my grandma's time, I guess when women had more children and needed them more often.

I just ordered it, so it'll take a few days for shipping. I'll let you know what I think of it -- I can't believe I've been reduced to this. I know, I know...whatever it takes...no false pride (or any pride at all once I'm wearing this...)

Complain, complain 2

Lack of mobility during pregnancy - continued...

Earlier in August, I was really trying to take the kids to Mass once or twice a week before school (we started August 1st -- not knowing what would happen with the new baby, I wanted to make sure to get a jump start on school)...I guess daily Mass has to go -- along with a ton of other things I usually do. (Friends have been making lots of offers and I've taken a few people up, but I feel like mostly this is something we need to get through as a family ... I'm just not so good at getting through it silently.)

I can get the clothes washed & dried, but not sorted & folded. DD1 is in charge of dishes this year, which is a HUGE job, but I usually help her with keeping the counters cleared & cleaned plus the microwave & the stove. Ds4 sweeps the floor daily and DD2 mops once a week, but I usually sweep/vacuum the floor before she washes as Ds4 isn't all that great of a sweeper. Dd2's job is the 3 bathrooms this year, but I usually do the downstairs bath once or twice again, during the week. DS3 empties the dishwasher (sometimes multiple times per day) and is awesome at quickly doing anything I ask of him (the same can not be said of Ds4.) The kids do all the picking up and vacuuming of the house several times per week, but they're not as good as DD1 and I at getting all along the edges and not sucking up marbles & legos. Other than the dishes, keeping her room clean, babysitting and helping each day pick up our mess from school, I don't feel like I can ask much more of DD1. She's a daydreamer (like her Mama was) and just can't seem to get all her school done under 6-8 hours (we only do school 4 days/week). Honestly, though, just sitting or laying down or anything is really uncomfortable until it becomes painful. So, even teaching school from my recliner with each kid coming to me and being surrounded by their planners and them fetching & returning each of my teacher books throughout the day is exhausting. I'm not sure if it's the pregnancy or the pain that makes me so tired, but I'm up to 2 naps a day some days.

The kids make their own (and my) breakfast & lunch. I've been choosing one of the 3 older (7-11 year old kids) to talk them through making dinner each night. It's REALLY frustrating sitting at the table while I watch them muddle through stirring something up as they get it all over the counter or make silly mistakes like dumping a bunch of pepper in a casserole & ruining it, or thinking they know how to follow directions on a box and using olive oil in a baked good or mistaking the phrase "confectioners sugar" for a brand-name of granulated sugar. As I'm writing this, I realize that I yelled at the kids for each of those mistakes when they're completely reasonable mistakes for a kid to make. I'm frustrated with the situation and frustrated with myself. I'M THE MOM! They still need a mom, but I can't stand-up to do much of that. I haven't quite figured out how to get the shopping done. I usually go once a month for 3-4 hours and get it all over with. I tried to run to the corner store for 3 items last week, was gone for 20 minutes and could hardly pull the car in the driveway, I was so nauseous & in pain. (Dave asked me if I'd allowed DD1 to pull the car in the driveway.) I've had offers of dinner...but I'm not confined to bed and I'd feel like I couldn't EVER go out and do something I want (like an MNO book club) if families were sacrificing their time/money/effort to make things easy on me.

Dave's been working almost another full-time job helping out with Matt Kelty's campaign. He volunteers to do the website, plus he helps out in several other areas. Although it's volunteer work, it's taking alot of his time/attention/energy. It's something we both strongly believe in and feel is worthwhile, but he already feels so maxed-out that although he understands that I need to rest here at home, there's still conflict about how much of my slack he feels he should have to take up. Apparently, when I'm so tired I'm nauseous & sweating or in pain, I don't present things to him in a conflict-free way. Now that we're at our 5th pregnancy together things have been better than any other pregnancy, but definitely not free of marital bumps.

There's been TONS of grace in all this. Many of my friends have been calling me daily, some taking the kids, offering to help. Dave and I are still actually speaking to each other through a pregnancy. Nothing was wrong Thursday, but it helped Dave really see that I'm not being lazy (he'd NEVER actually say the word) and that he needs to cut me more slack than seems reasonable to either one of us. Intellectually, I can see the kids becoming more self-sufficient (even if I feel REALLY guilty about that).

Usually, when things get really hard, I can't ever pray. I trust God is there and I yell at Him, sometimes, but I have such a hard time being present in the moment enough to pray. The grace is that I'm not there, yet. I'm approaching it, but I'm not there. I don't have a toddler I'm chasing (which makes pregnancy exponentially more difficult in my opinion.) I have a secure home, a loving marriage, the opportunity to school my kids as I see best, my kids aren't in the hospital, I don't have a chronic condition... Intellectually I know that 'this, too, shall pass', it's just really hard to keep that in mind as I painfully re-adjust postions moment to moment.

Complain, complain

Yesterday, Dd2 got in trouble for whining and complaining all day (she was tired). Today, it's my turn.

I'd prefer to be an underground river of spiritual strength and take all my discomforts an inadequacies and give them only to Christ. Instead, I'm going to give in and complain to you...

I was spotting heavily Thursday morning. Went for an ultrasound but they found no complications (they thought just early effacement). I returned home within a few hours but was given strict instructions to take it easy for the remainder of the pregnancy (due 10/26).

Honestly, I WAS trying to take it easy - I've been in a considerable amount of pain the last month. The Relaxin in my system makes many of my joints pop-out of place. Traditionally my ribs (like when I cough), hips and SI joint pop out multiple times during pregnancy. Chiropractic care just isn't worth the money in my case. I spent the bucks with the last 2 pregnancies and by the time I waddled out to the car and hoisted myself in, I was all popped out again. If it's too bad, Dave has to massage and "pound" my joints back in. This pregnancy, the bones that let the baby out are stretching apart from each other making standing and walking pretty painful. That separation is great as the baby comes out -- not so good for walking around. I've also had pretty bad back pain & cervical pressure, so my mobility has been increasingly reduced the last month or two. Sleeping or even adjusting my position when sitting is not pleasant. Since I've got 10 weeks to go and I'm showing pre-labor symptoms, I'm eager to obey the doctor's orders - I'm very anxious not to have a pre-term baby.

OK -- I think that's out of my system for today. No more complaints, with God's help.

It's a boy!!

- Dave thinks this picture looks like DS1 -- I think it all ultrasound pictures just look a little weird.

We had an ultrasound after a little scare, yesterday. Everything's fine, and we found out that we're having another boy!!
Which do you like -- we'll call him Wil (or Will)? :
William Frances - Dave's traditional family name discovered in geneology research
William Joseph
William Matthew
William Christopher

Vote now...

Quote of the day

This is one of those over and over conversations...

Dd2,

"Mama, how big is the baby, now?"

Mama, looking at bottom of blog,

"It says that it's 3 lbs and 15 inches."

Dd2,

"Hey, BABY, you're bigger than a Subway sandwich!!"

Amy's Schoolroom

Amy, I LOVED your post about your new schoolroom!! It motivated me to get back to bed (sleepless pregnancy nights are not good for doing school the next morning, but great for getting work done on the computer)..so, I need to get back to bed (I've been up since 2:30am) so I can hurry up and get up in the morning (or sleep in just a little) and teach school!

I LOVE your pictures!!
Thanks for the night-time motivation!!

Pregnancy Q & A

* Yes, we're able to get school done the last week and a half.

*Yes, I'm still having to take naps throughout the day.

*No, we're not getting everything done.

*Yes, the kids are doing quite a bit of their work done, even with a less than energetic mom.

*No, the house isn't really getting clean. Between doing so much school on their own and their normal chores, I don't want to overload them with responsibility just because I'm pregnant.

*Yes, even though it's less than I'd prefer, I'm very happy with the kids' efforts.

These are pictures of the Greek helmets & crafts the kids did while I napped.

Praise God for Progesterone!

And a very responsive midwife! I wanted off of it. She was understanding and was very slowly weaning me off after she checked my levels and they were quite high. GREAT! Except that my body, apparently, really likes Progesterone. So after each decrease I got feeling worse and worse until I was almost as sick as when I found out I was pregnant and thought I had a TERRIBLE flu for days and days. I couldn't get out of bed. I was barely functioning. I couldn't think....

After a long talk with my midwife's nurse who suggested that it's almost like I suffer from post-partum depression during pregnancy (my body is very weird, I guess) and come to find out -- the protocol for post-partum is...progesterone.

So, we bumped me back up (not all the way when I felt blechy on it) -- and I've had several good days!! Thank you, Jesus, for not completely abandoning the needs of my 4 children to have a mother who can actually act like a mother!! The idea that I was letting my other children down was really working on my emotions.

Has anyone else ever experienced anything like that?? Post-partum depression during pregnancy????? My body is such a weird-o.

We heard the baby's heartbeat

It sounded like woshwoshwoshwoshwoshwoshwosh...you get the idea. The midwife told the kids that unlike the lub lub lub lub of a regular heartbeat, which is made by the sound of the valves - the baby whosh is the sound of the blood going through the heart. Hmmm.....interesting.


Dd#2 has made me breakfast in bed the last 2 mornings. She is just the sweetest little girl!! (when she's not being otherwise). She's really been wonderful since I found out I'm pregnant and been so needy.

I just can't get enough sleep!! I'm tired all the time!!! I'm officially past my 1st trimester, but ... I guess I'll have to wait a little longer to feel better.

I've really been doing a bad job blogging. I'd rather not complain all the time and I can't think of much else to write about (other than complaints....) Poor me. I've got just what I've been praying about for the last 5 years....