Rosary Truths & Painful Motherhood (long)

My truth about the rosary is somewhat emotionally void. I really struggle with this prayer.

For years (about the last 8) I've struggled with the reality of who Mary was to me. I've spoken of this to so many of my friends, it seems odd that I haven't written of it in the 3 years of my blog.



My first reality of motherhood is my mom. My personal experience of motherhood has not left me with warm-fuzzy feelings. My relationship with my mom has been hard. There's things it's not polite to write. The openness I desire to share with the world is tempered by the love I desire to show my mom. Even the word mother is struggle for me to define for myself, let alone explain or write down. If you've had a relationship like that, you understand. Our ongoing reconciliation (because there's always more hurt - past and present to get over) is an act of obedience from me to God. Loving my mom is an act of will on my part -- only because it's what God asks of me that keeps me in the relationship. It is God's choice to have my mom in my life, not mine. It's an ongoing, difficult relationship.


My mom has feelings of love for me -- but my mom is not a selfless person. She makes an attempt to show me love, but somehow it rarely hits the mark. And often, there is shrapnel embedded in her arrows of love. In years past I've tried to protect myself, but it's pretty hard to show love to someone while you're hiding behind fortress walls to protect yourself. So, now, I try to minimize the casualties in my heart and rely on Jesus to protect and heal me -- so I can allow her access to my life -- how else do you show love to someone? It's hard.



On the positive side of motherhood was my Grandma Handlin. My grandmother loved me, and I felt loved by her. That one sentence and the word love does little to encompass the depth and breadth of what that relationship was and is to me. A source of strength and a longing to be more than I am because of all she was to me.


So, my understanding of motherhood has been colored by years of pain and struggle. Because of my grandma, I do know what the outline of what true motherhood is supposed to be, but the nuances of what that looks like in real life elude me. I've had to make it up as I go with very little direction of how to get where I want to be.


I've got a disconnection in my mind -- I'm trying to become the kind of mother that the emotional half of my brain screams doesn't exist -- Mothers are dangerous and they can hurt you -- but I have to find a way to become this person -- so my daughters don't have a mother that hurts them.


Now, in my life is Mary. You know, the Mother of God - that Mary. Lots of people have a relationship with Jesus. There are people, lots of people, who can help you with that. Having a relationship with someone who isn't bodily in this world has some challenges, but you can get there -- there are some helps along the way.


Mary is a different story.


At least half of my friends would be a little suspect about attempting a relationship with a dead person, even a saint, who doesn't happen to be God. A divine being (like Jesus) can overcome shortcomings in a non-bodily relationship -- regular dead people, even holy ones, still aren't God. Even my closest, most intimate friends would have pastors who say I'm off the mark in desiring a relationship with Mary. But my closest, most intimate protestant friends are of the most loving variety -- and they love me in spite of my Catholic quirks if not because of them - although they can't give much direction on how to have a relationship with Mary.


I don't get much help from my Catholic friends, either. Either they're on a different spiritual plane than I am, or I'm too emotionally unstable for them, or they can't relate because they had great moms, or they're just too darn busy having babies to help me psychoanalyze my relationship with a dead, albeit holy, non-Deity. Or maybe I've been too hung up to ask.


Another issue is that Mary is mom. We're talking -- Ultimate Motherhood kind of thing. As related above, I have some motherhood issues. My motherhood issues tend to slow down a relationship with Ultimate Motherhood. Remember the emotional screaming half of my brain? And that's the side that's kept me safe for many years -- that's the side that I listen to. It's that still small voice inside when it's not screaming at me. (Please disregard all inferences to multiple personalities. Honestly, I walk around this neurotic all the time -- say a prayer for poor Dave who has to live with me).

So, I'm left with

1. my ever-struggling relationship with my mom
2. my depth of love for my grandma
3. the many people inside my head
4. my daughters who need a mother
5. a dead, albeit holy, non-Deity who represents Ultimate Motherhood
6. my desire to be more than I am

So, I've been praying to Mary for the last decade. Not nice, sweet prayers - more like chip on my shoulder -- so I'm left with YOU, who I don't want and don't trust and it's not like you're here anyway, but I'm desperate so where's the help already -- kind of prayers. She has answered me time and again with nurturing women who come into my life and love me -- protestant friends, Catholic friends, loving strangers -- women who surround me and hold me up when I'm about to fall with the weight of the world on my shoulders. This is the love Mary has given me.

NOW - we're in the present (believe it or not ALL THAT was background and baggage). Mary loves me and helps me. She's still not bodily present to do my dishes, but I have no doubt of her existence in my life. I'm still learning how to be a loving daughter, but I'm better than I was a decade ago, mostly because of Mary's help. Sometimes I'll start a prayer to Jesus and I don't have peace -- I know I need a mother (I still have a hard time saying 'my mother' about her).

The rosary is the prayer to Mary. It's boring. I'm sure all my issues factors in. I've read books, histories, meditations on the rosary -- it's still boring. I don't pray it often and it goes in spurts. Most of my Catholic friends are WAAAAYYYY more faithful than I am. There's so much stuff I don't get "Why would Mary want a boring prayer?" stuff like that. yada yada eternal realities are different than earthly circumstances. yada yada the Catholic Church has 2000 years of truth...I know. It's still boring. When I'm desperate or lonely or sad or worried about someone -- I'll say my rosary - I say part of a rosary about once a week and get interupted and don't go back to it.

I don't have a good end to this. I'm still working it all out...with help.

Mom's Retreat

Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist hosts a short but highly effective Mom's Retreat the first weekend in Advent. This year it's Saturday fternoon December 5 'till Sunday afternoon December 6th up in Ann Arbor, MI. The cost is $25.

THESE ARE SOME EXCEPTIONAL NUNS!! My girls call them "Mama's Nuns" because they hold such a special place in my heart. They're the kind of nuns that appeal to a party girl like me. They come from all walks of life and have so many girls/women asking to join their order, they can't build fast enough to keep them all in beds and the girls keep coming!! They wear a traditional habit (to the floor) and a rosary from their waist to their feet. Hearing them sing the Psalms at vespers is honestly a piece of heaven here on earth. Their focus is Christ in the Eucharist (see their name, above) and they play volleyball and teach as many people about Jesus as they can. Their passion and joy just pours out of them. SERIOUSLY KEWL NUNS, here!

My spot is reserved to go, who wants to carpool?

Reserve your spot online or e-mail or by phone.

Here's a flyer about it.

I'm sooo excited to go, again this year. Due to illness, pregnancy, nursing, etc., I haven't gone in a few years -- but GOD WILLING I can go this year!! Ohhhhhh....I can hardly wait!!

Knitting Plaid

This is my latest project (I love Lion Brand's website). Ever since I learned to knit last winter from this lady at KnittingHelp.com ...I've really enjoyed it. It's exciting to learn to do new things... She has free lessons on video on her website!!! I found her VERY helpful and easy to understand! I don't think my poncho (what's the specific difference between a poncho & a shawl, anyway?) will turn out quite like this one...but I'm going to try.

Quote of the Day

NONE of the kids did their schoolwork. I went from room to room with a screaming, fussy baby to find child after child NOT doing their school. By the time I got the other 3 kids re-started on school, I'd go to the first room to find the 1st kid NOT doing school. They didn't do their chores. They just got in trouble all day. I was a mess by the end of the day.

Dave

"How was your day?"

Jenn

"The house didn't catch on fire."

That was about as good as it got today.

Back to school

This week we've gotten 4 days of schooling in. We would have gotten 5, but in addition to Ds#4's fever and Dd#2's severe cold and the baby being too clogged up to nurse well and Mama being sick and tired...Dave was home sick one day this week and we DO NOT get school accomplished when Dave's home -- we don't even try.
My standards for what I'm pleased about accomplishing have been seriously pruned back. We're doing just the basics : Writing, Grammar, Math, Religion & some history. I haven't figured out how to fit in Science, Art or any substantial projects. I'm pleased that we're really accomplishing the basics. This is just a boring year. Having a baby really changes the dynamics of our days and "Shhhhh...the baby just went to sleep" is spoken VERY often! This picture doesn't exactly reflect the sleep-deprived, pajama-wearing, spit-up-smelling, frazzled mama that I am during school days...but it shows you that even during New Year's celebrations I can't manage to keep my hair brushed!

Normal Life

I lost my voice late last night. I had some wicked sore throat come on pretty suddenly, yesterday. It hurts to rasp any sounds/whispers out at the kids. Even the little ones have been having to sound out words I write down for them.

Ds#4 was sooo excited when I wrote down "shoes" and he read it as "shows".

"Mama said we could watch shows on TV!!"

he ran screaming through the house. I had to grab a kid who could read so they could fix the screaming, excited, frenzy that was occuring with the younger ones.

Dave was shocked that I cancelled hosting a Bunco night & wasn't going at all tonight. He knows I have to feel pretty bad before I cancel a night out with friends.

The Tylenol is helping quite a bit with the pain. My throat just burns & is scratchy & hurts if I try & rasp any talking out. It's so funny not being able to swallow saliva without a lot of effort -- but I can eat anything and it feels good on my throat!

I am soo thankful that my progesterone levels are working for me. I ran out of cream during the weekend (poor planning on my part) and so I had to take one of the older progesterone (the stuff I hated) that I had left. I tore a large hole in the top of it and tried to dump out 1/3 of the powder. I was up much of the night and felt like I had too much caffine (although I'd had none). The cream has been helping me sooo much.

I had to pick up more cream this morning as soon as they opened. Dave told me to stop at Auto Zone and get my battery checked. I printed out my request on a piece of paper. The guy kept yelling at me -- I guess he thought I was hard of hearing. He wasn't supposed to change batteries on my kind of car -- too involved (he had to take part of engine off of it???) He must've felt sorry for me because he spend almost 40 minutes changing my battery. This morning I spent over $200 on car stuff, gas, progesterone & Subway for lunch (I was pooped.)

A local Catholic bookstore e-mailed me that most of my $1,000 of books were in. (I tried sooo hard to find them used, but so many Catholic books just aren't available used.) I'm sure they're clogging up his storage space. He said he'd be in contact this week about my picking them up. After the car repairs, we don't have $1,000 for books.....just all normal life.

What a difference a haircut can make!

On Saturday, Dd#1 and I woke up and went to Great Clips to have a change. I'd been letting my hair grow out for 2 years because Ds#3 loves long hair. It's not often it's OK to please a fellow whom I adore (who isn't my husband) just so he can look at me with loving glances. It was sooo sweet. But sweet or not, all that hair was driving me crazy. I finally decided to take my head back and get what I wanted.

Dd#1 has been having a hard time keeping her hair brushed throughout the day. The longer it got, the more she just wore it up to be easy.

Since we got it cut she's told me about 27 times a day "Mama, I LOVE my haircut!!" She says she feels like a different person. It can be so much fun being a girl!!

We heard the baby's heartbeat

It sounded like woshwoshwoshwoshwoshwoshwosh...you get the idea. The midwife told the kids that unlike the lub lub lub lub of a regular heartbeat, which is made by the sound of the valves - the baby whosh is the sound of the blood going through the heart. Hmmm.....interesting.


Dd#2 has made me breakfast in bed the last 2 mornings. She is just the sweetest little girl!! (when she's not being otherwise). She's really been wonderful since I found out I'm pregnant and been so needy.

I just can't get enough sleep!! I'm tired all the time!!! I'm officially past my 1st trimester, but ... I guess I'll have to wait a little longer to feel better.

I've really been doing a bad job blogging. I'd rather not complain all the time and I can't think of much else to write about (other than complaints....) Poor me. I've got just what I've been praying about for the last 5 years....

YESS!!! Sleep is gift from the gods

or rather the One True God who I was praying my butt off to this week. Thursday night through Wednesday night of very little sustained sleep -- but last night...ahhhhhhh. All the kids slept through the night and so did I. What a WONDERFUL gift!!!!

Happy Birthday Jennifer!

Happy birthday to my wonderful wife. My children and I are truly blessed that God has placed her in our lives. I am inspired by her enthusiasm and dedication to the education of our children. As we work together to mold our future "Saints of God" (God willing), our children have no better model for Christian living than their very own mother.

Forsythia

Boy, do I like these. My neighbor has them in her yard and they look so pretty in spring. I admire them every year, so look what she sent over!! Jesus is so good to me to give me such sweet friends.

Since today is April Fool's Day as well as Palm Sunday, we did a Palm-Sunday lesson this morning before chuch. The boys watched a cartoon version of the Passion which prepared them to be very aware and involved in the (long - they were so good) passion reading of the gospel at church.

We came home so I could nap. Then we went out for a Sunday drive, found a covered bridge, Dave took the kids for a little walk around it -- and we all tried to trick each other with April Fool's jokes in the car. Dave was the best at it!

April Fool's Day

As a kid and a single person and a newly married person, I always liked April Fool's Day. Now that I'm a mom with kids that are aware enough to participate, I'm not sure I like it so much. They haven't done anything big. Mostly their tricks are focused on their friends - or their Dad (lucky fella). I have a slight desire to play an April Fool's joke on them -- I've always like the day. But do I really want to open myself to the retaliation of minds that don't know when to quit....hmmmm. I can't decide.

What is your spirituality type?

I thought this was interesting. http://vocation-network.org/articles/read/96 It's mostly a Catholic thing, but it nailed me.


Your Spirituality Type: PATH OF DEVOTION (Augustinian prayer)
The majority of saints are of this spiritual temperament as well as 12 percent of the population (but half of those who go on retreats or belong to small faith groups).This method uses creative imagination to transpose; the world of scripture to our situation today--as if the scripture passage is a personal letter from God a addressed to each one; of us (like Saint Augustine picking up Romans 13 and reading; a message pointed directly at him). The essential element of this spirituality, going back to New Testament times (Jesus, Saint Paul, the early church fathers), is experiencing a personal relationship with God. Because they read between the lines and catchy what is inexpressible and spiritual, those who follow the path of devotion best understand symbols and their use in the liturgy.This path concentrates on meditations that loosen the feelings and expand the ability to relate to and love others. The stress is on the love of self, others, and God. Those on this path can follow the four steps of the Lectio Divina: listen to what God says in scripture; reflect prayerfully and apply it to today; respond to God's word with personal feelings; remain quiet and stay open to new insights.

101 meaningless things about me

See how I am? The 100th post got by me and I didn't even notice! I had something special planned, too!

So, now I'll have to fudge it and do it for my 101st post - as if that's so significant. Most of the significant things in my life don't seem like that big of a deal anyway - I just think weird.

1. I’m pregnant
2. I’m sick & cranky when I’m pregnant
3. I always loose "guess that baby" contests, because I look exactly the same as when I was a kid. (I used to stare in the mirror and wonder what I'd look like as a grown-up - God was already showing me.
4. I complain a lot when I’m pregnant
5. I can’t stand negative people when I’m pregnant (one of us is enough in the world)
6. I had stick straight hair when I was a kid
7. My parents rarely made me brush my teeth when I was a kid
8. I'm excited by thunderstoms
9. I have the opposite reaction of colors that most people do
10. Reds are supposed to be aggressive – I despise most of them
11. Blues and greens, especially light, are exciting and refreshing and freeing to me
12. Sometimes I have to drag myself out of bed because I’d rather stay there all day
13. Sometimes I wake up in the morning feeling like I could conquer the world
14. I’ve always wanted to be able to fly – of my own ability like Superman
15. I really love Jesus (is that really #15?) – uhhhh this list isn’t in order
16. The best thing that ever happened to me was meeting Jesus in Confession
17. I’m a party girl (except when I’m pregnant).
18. I believe in spanking children when needed
19. There’s some kids that aren’t mine that I’d like to spank (especially when I’m pregnant)
20. I don’t like reading the bible. It rarely comes alive for me. I do it, some, but not everyday.
21. I’m a terrible housekeeper.
22. I had a grandmother and a great aunt who was a terrible housekeeper – I come by it naturally.
23. I ADORE having "grown-up" conversations with my kids.
24. I love throwing parties and if I go too long without hosting something, I need a fix.
25. I clean the house before I have a party – usually.
26. I don’t know how to bake bread…yet.
27. I’ve always wanted to parasail – Dave has requested I refrain from this dream.
28. I don’t mind loosing in a game – it’s all about fun.
29. If I think I’ll be judged by trying something new, I’ll do it in secret.
30. I have almost no secrets. If anyone asks me anything about myself, I’ll tell it.
31. I overwhelm people easily by being so intense.
32. Dave was the first guy who could “handle” me.
33. I can’t stand controlling or jealous men.
34. I’m a free spirit.
35. I like to work on the computer.
36. I love books.
37. I love dishes.
38. Other than books or dishes, I don’t think I’m very materialistic.
39. I don’t like bugs.
40. I mostly don’t like being outside, unless the weather’s perfect and there’s no bugs.
41. I miss the ocean.
42. I moved every year, sometimes twice, until I got to high school to different schools, often different states.
43. I love looking at houses and dreaming of it would fit or not.
44. Dave and I take the kids to open houses on Sundays very often.
45. I don’t think kids should be sheltered from truth
46. I think kids should be protected against the harsh things of this world (truth that their age can handle).
47. I don’t like to cuddle.
48. I force myself to cuddle my kids because they need it.
49. I love to bake
50. I don’t like to shop
51. I love to read
52. I like leather
53. I like really trashy clothes, although I don’t dress like that…anymore
54. I love to play Uno
55. I hate CandyLand
56. I never liked science until I started homeschooling
57. We have a black lab, 2 hamsters, 2 fish tanks and a newt…the kids want frogs next
58. I’ve killed 2 batches of tadpoles
59. I don’t like driving mini-vans
60. I’m learning to like gardening
61. I crochet in the evenings
62. I love writing lesson plans
63. My books are categorized on shelves by target age & subject in school
64. Our historical fiction books are categorized further by year that their about
65. My favorite poem is “Song for a Fifth Child”
66. My hair is really long right now and I’m desperate to cut it. It keeps me awake at night when I roll over on it and can’t move my head.
67. My favorite animal when I was a kid was cats. My mom was allergic, though.
68. I am a petty person, but I fight it.
69. A lot of people tell me things they don’t tell others – I’ve learned how NOT to talk about other people’s stuff.
70. Getting married to Dave was the best decision I’ve made as an adult.
71. I’m crazy about my husband – I love the way his mind works.
72. I don’t like roller coasters as much as I used to.
73. I can’t hulla hoop.
74. Swimming is the only exercise I can stand because I can’t feel myself sweat.
75. I don’t have vision – I can’t “see” a room completed when I’m decorating until it’s done
76. My sister chooses clothes for me better than I do.
77. I like blogging.
78. I keep a journal and have since 4th grade. (I think I need to burn a few volumes)
79. I have a book of poetry I made up in high school.
80. I wanted to grow up to be an executive when I was 15.
81. Other than when I was 15, I’ve always wanted to be a mom.
82. My high school counselor told me I was throwing away my life to want to be a mom.
83. God’s gift in allowing me to be a mom, was the best gift I’ve received from Him as an adult.
84. I don’t like carrying a purse – it makes me feel burdened with responsibility.
85. I don’t wear any jewelry except my wedding ring, and it has a stone missing.
86. I don’t have 101 things about my life that I can write about.
87. I want a new house so we can have a basement and a huge yard – like 3 acres with a pond.
88. I taught myself to drive a stick shift car after I bought the car. It was my first.
89. Reading about God is my favorite subject.
90. I don’t like to cook, but I love cookbooks.
91. I had terrible handwriting until I had to teach my own kids to write – it’s much better now.
92. The friend I’ve had the longest is Melanie and we only see each other occasionally, sometimes not even every year – but we’ve been friends since highschool.
93. I like 60’s music.
94. Most of my furniture is a version of burgundy, navy & hunter – while my dream furniture is sage.
95. I don’t like doing my girls’ hair and so they look fairly unkempt until they can learn to do it for themselves.
96. Someday I will take happily take advice from my children.
97. One of my deepest fears is that I won’t have a good relationship with my daughters, but I have all hope that God will overcome my fears to create His reality.
98. I like my new digital camera.
99. I love to have a garden, but I don’t like to tend it, harvest it and I’ve never learned to can.
100. I grow herbs every year but I don’t know what do with them once they’ve grown.

and

101. Sometimes I resent the telephone – sometimes I thank God for it. That’s true of most things in my life.

The Wedding Meme

1. Where/How did you meet? At a Catholic church that held Mass for Campus Ministries. I had just gotten dumped from a year long boyfriend I thought I wanted to marry and was looking for a fresh start and new friends (I always lost my old friends in a break-up).
2. How long have you known each other? 17 years
3. How long after you met did you start dating? 3 years. We were good friends while he had a steady girlfriend and then was engaged to her. She and I started as friends, but I ended up drifting away from her as she got engaged. I had no designs on Dave, but they just didn't seem to "belong" together. REALLY! I then started dating her ex-boyfriend and discussing marriage. All 4 of us broke up within several months of each other and Dave and I started getting together to "comfort" our friend (each other) who was in pain from a bad break-up.
4. How long did you date before you were engaged? Unofficially, 3 weeks. Officially 4 months (we were very good friends in the 3 years before we started dating and had worked through a lot of deeper issues being good friens).
5. How long was your engagement? 9 months. Our priest told us we had to wait the Church's mandatory 6 months, which we thought would physically deform us to wait that long before we could consumate our relationship. The priest was firm. Then we couldn't get married during "tax season" because of Dave's work.
6. How long have you been married? I don't keep track of those things..let me see 1995 - 2007 - 12 years?
7. What is your anniversary? April 30, 1995
8. How many people came to your wedding reception? 200
9. What kind of cake did you serve? White with buttercream frosting. I taste-tested cakes all around town during our engagement because I was raised to understand that wedding cake is one of the best tasting cakes, but you have to be sure the baker is doing it for more than just good looks. I made all the decorations for the tables and Dave blew up the balloons I wanted the hall decorated with.
10. Where was your wedding? The same church we met at.
11. What did you serve for your meal? My mom made all the food in her kitchen and brought it to the reception - meat trays with ham & roast beef, cheese tray & condiments for cold meat sandwhiches. She had relish trays, fresh chicken salad, jello salad, pasta salad, potato salad, cucumber sandwiches, and I think I made her make my favorite kind of cookie - mexican wedding rings. It was her gift to us and she gave us the money she had left-over. It was a wonderful gift!
12. How many people were in your wedding party? 3 groomsmen, 3 bridesmaids, and 2 flower girls. Many of our friends were Eucharistic Ministers, etc during the ceremony. At our first meeting with the priest to prepare for marriage he handed us the liturgy planning guide and told us not to bother to look through it until closer to the wedding. We sat down and spent all evening that first night planning the liturgy of the wedding. It was so fun! Dave & I each read the reading that had been special to us as a single person. Dave read Habakuk (Write down the vision clearly on the tablets...If the vision delays, wait for it for it shall surely come.) and I read Hosea (I espouse you to me in love and fidelity.)
13. Are you still friends with them all? My sister & s-i-l & Dave's brothers. We don't see my maid of honor or one of Dave's groomsmen, much.
14. Did your spouse cry during the ceremony? We laughed and giggled through the whole thing.
15. Most special moment of your wedding day? My sister forcing herself at 16 to get her hair done, put on make-up & put on a satin dress when she had the flu and a fever with chills. She didn't show it at all until she asked to leave the reception early because she wasn't feeling well.
16. Any funny moments? The wedding coordinator that was required by the church pushed me down the isle. I was waiting for a particular bar of the song I had chosen, but she wanted me down that isle. I tripped when she pushed me and caught myself by running - so I ran the whole way to Dave. It wasn't exactly the Sound of Music wedding march I envisioned, but definately more my style. Then at the reception, Dave's 3 cousins who were 4 & 5 took handfuls of cake to taste it before we got a chance to cut it.
17. Any big disasters? I was determined not to view anything that happened as a disaster. It was going to be a wonderful day no matter what happened. I had planned as well as possible and everything else was going to just be a good story, someday.
18. Where did you go on your honeymoon? We could either afford a wedding or a honeymoon and we chose the wedding. We went to a state park and stayed at the inn. It was boring, so we went to another state park. We shopped & talked & went sight-seeing.
19. How long were you gone? 1 week
20. If you were to do your wedding over, what would you change? I'd have chosen the dresses I wanted rather than choosing the color my mom suggested and I would have chosen something not so trendy (read dated, now). I'd have asked my friend Melanie to be my maid of honor. I'd have spent more money on the photographer. I may have allowed my dad to walk me down the isle. At the time I felt like I still needed to protect myself. Now that I've been loved for the last 12 years, I see God as my protector more.
21. What side of the bed do you sleep on? Left in this house. Dave has this thing about getting to sleep near the door... I don't understand it, but whatever.
22. What size is your bed? King
23. Greatest strength as a couple? Joint sense of priorities and common ideas of disciplining children. We work as good team by maintaining our own "jobs".
24. Greatest challenge as a couple? Not getting so caught up in the "work" & efficiency of life that we forget to meet the other person's emotional needs.
25. Who literally pays the bills? Dave
26. What is your song? He thinks we have lots - I don't associate one with us.
27. What did you dance your first dance to? Barry Manilow - We made it through the rain? Dave would remember better than I would. He's got a more romantic memory than I do.
28. Describe your wedding dress: A princess neckline and simple lines with little beading and no cutwork. Some lace and beading on the bodice. A long dress with a train and bustle. It was on sale.
29. What kind of flowers did you have at your wedding? artificial (they were cheaper) white roses. The little girls carried daisies.
30. Are your wedding bands engraved? Nope. They were on sale (are you seeing a theme, here?)
31. How old were you when you got married? 26

Digital Camera

It's no secret that I want a DIGITAL CAMERA (really bad). I tried researching, but there is just so much out there, that I haven't been able to narrow it down. So I've been asking around for low-cost ($100 or less) suggestions.

My friend Cari wrote me this answer -

I got my kids a Kodak EasyShare C433 camera. It was on sale for $79 at Best Buy before Christmas, but I think there are places online that sell them for that regularly. With the camera alone, they could only store about 8 pictures before they would have to transfer them to the computer to make room for more. However, I bought a memory card for $20 that inserts inside the camera. That can hold about 450 pictures. It's a 4.1 megapixel; I really have no idea what that means except that cameras with more megapixels take better pictures. This one is good enough to print out really nice 4x6 pictures. We haven't tried printing ones larger than that, but when we blow them up to fill the computer screen they still look really nice (not grainy).

What's your answer? What digital camera do you own? How much was it? Do you like or dislike it and why? Post your answers in Comments.

Pamper Yourself

I'm having a Pampered Chef party. If you know me, even remotely, you're invited. Thursday, February 15, 2007 @ 6:30pm.

It's a Valentine's Theme (a day late - the day after Valentine's - and a dollar short - I can get those conversation hearts 1/2 price, then! )

The special for attending a party in February is All Stoneware 20% off.

If you want to book a party, the February hostess special is 60% any 2 stoneware items. (I think January is cookware.) That's why I'M hosting a February party - I really want that New Traditions Cranberry Stoneware - at right. I've wanted them since they first came out, but they are REALLY alot. I also couldn't see spending the $$ when they weren't big enough for my family. I went to a party this fall (thanks, Julie) and MY consultant, Kim was doing the party. She said they came in bigger sizes, now. She also REFUSED to let me buy any cranberry at full price - she knows Dave really well, too. She told me if I wanted it, I had to have a party in February when I could get it at such a discount.

I won't feel bad at all if you don't come to my party, but want to book a party off my invitation. E-mail me and I'll get you my consultant's info to book a party. (See how altruistic I am??)

If you want to take a look at some products before the party, either stop by to look at the catalog (but not the cleanliness of my house), or go to the Pampered Chef website www.pamperedchef.com If you don't want to come to the party - because you're having major surgery that day, or really don't like me THAT much, I can take orders ahead.

REALITY : I LOVE throwing any kind of party, so you can come feast, maybe win a door prize and not buy a thing -- and I'll be thrilled that I even have friends. I like throwing parties so much that I'm even MAKING little door prizes... so I hope some people come who don't order ANYTHING, so they can just enjoy the door prizes I'm doing. That's what I call a PARTY - food, friends, and I don't have to cook!

Don't forget that Kim has a little something if you bring a friend (that I didn't already invite).

Jenn, how are you doing since your dad's death?

I get this question alot lately. So, here's my answer.

I've been feeling very mixed. Some sadness, some releif, lots of intense apathy followed by guilt over the apathy. I didn't know apathy could be intense. I've been praying for my dad ALOT. It really helps make me feel better - like I'm still a part of his life and making a difference in loving him. I've been surprised about how many nice memories and sweet rememberances I have around me - things he's given us that I scoffed at before and now mean so much now that he's gone (like a checker set the kids were playing with this weekend.)

It definately doesn't hurt as much, but it's more like a "sweet sorrow."

Pro-life

Dave and I went to a pro-life banquet last night. It's always so inspiring and moving to hear of others who are so dilagently using the time given them in this life to help save others' lives. Sometimes it feels like my contribution - just being with my children and cleaning -er- not-cleaning my house is so small to the cause of solving the world's problems. But my children need me. They need me to understand the complexity of life's issues and to slowly explain it to them while they are being protected and nurtured to grow into strong, capable citizens capable of making a difference. My little life looks even smaller in light of these huge problems and the incredible efforts of others to make a difference. I pray. I vote, write letters and try to stay informed. It all seems so little compared to 4,000 babies killed every day in America to abortion!

However, I don't live my life based on my feelings, but on the objective truth that I KNOW. I know this world is a better place because my children have a mother who stays home to nurture and educate them. I have to allow myself to live in the middle of that truth - rather than be distracted by the wonderfully worth while causes to which I could dedicate my time. *sigh* someday when I don't have little ones...God willing, but today, I need to do the dishes and grade a math paper or 3.

Hey, I'm Jenn.

Dave & I will be blogging on this site together!



I am...

• an almost 40 yr old hs mom of 4 dc ages 10-4, married to Dave - 12 years
• intrigued by families who can actually keep their house clean - Are you one of them? HOW do you do it?
• getting better at not yelling at the kids as much - this is more God's accomplishment than mine
• mourning the loss of my father who died in August, 2006
• a little overwhelmed at teaching 5th grade this year - dd#1 is doing GREAT, I'm the one feeling overwhelmed (I say this every year, BTW)
• happy that my 4 year old is so excited about reading
• trying to be patient with my ds#3 (6) who doesn't like to read, yet. It took Dd#2 until almost 3rd grade before she "discovered" reading could be fun.
• looking for a new stew recipe - chicken or beef - post a comment of your favorite
• teaching myself to knit
• wishing I had the courage to parachute jump, although my back gets sore just getting out of bed
• really content that I'm too chicken to parachute - Dave wouldn't let me, anyway. He's an insurance agent and doesn't even like me to burn candles in the bathroom.

Come visit my website at http://www.thmg.com/highlanddove to get a better idea of who I am - or visit my blog a bit.

This is a Word Snapshot of my website (Highland Dove is the name of our homeschool.)

Put one on your blog or website free from http://snapshirts.com/

My husband's homeschool website is http://www.homeschool101.net/ - well, I'll help with it, sometimes.