Yes, my 13yr old is really in charge of all the meals, planning, cooking and shopping for the year.

Yes, my 13yr old is really in charge of all the meals, planning, cooking and shopping for the year.


Background:

I read Little House On the Prairie to the girls when they were in 2nd grade & Kindergarten. In it, Ma left the girls (I think they were preteens) with the baby and the house for a week! They knew how to do all the work AND did the spring cleaning to surprise Ma.

When I first read that, I thought "HOW could Ma leave them like that? There were soooo many dangers in those days!" Then I started re-rethinking what I thought of childhood. I honestly believe we have an artificial infancy concept of childhood. Rather than considering that childhood as the training ground for adulthood, our society thinks children are to be coddled, entertained and considered unable to be functioning, contributing members of society even while they're children. Hmmm.... So if God made children capable of more responsibility, are we DISabling them to not let them live to that potential? Hmmm....


So I made it a pie-in-the-sky goal that each of my children would know how to do every job in the house that I could teach them by the time they were 13. Then at 13 I would teach them to juggle. I wasn't taught how to multi-task or juggle and it's taken me YEARS of motherhood before I felt like I was doing anything but failing. I would like my girls to be a little better off than that.


Each year, each child switches jobs to become proficient in a job for the year. This is the rough schedule of chores as the children progress in maturity:


Age 4 - Set the table
5 - Sweep the floor
6 - Wash the table / Mop the floor
7 - Take out the trash
8 - Empty the dishwasher (each time, and YES I lost alot of dishes on the ceramic floor this way and we ended up switching to plastic for our main dishes)
9 - Laundry (yes, all the laundry in the house)
10 - Mow the lawn - we end up having a "catch-up" year in here somewhere - a kid will prefer a job and ask for an extra year on it before going to the next harder job -OR- they need more practice on a job and get stuck on it for another year until they've mastered it.
11 - Dishes (keeping the kitchen clean after every meal)
12 - Dinner (I plan and they learn to cook dinner each night. I feel like it's such a challenging task to get all the dishes to come out at the same time and on the table hot (or cold) that it takes a lot of practice)

13 - Since Dd#1 has taken over the cooking / list making / and shopping (although I am the driver and looker-overer) I tried to make it as easy on her as possible.

• I consolidated all my recipes in one book that office depot printed and bound for ~$5
• made a master grocery list
• lists for each kinds of meal (breakfast, weekday lunch, dinner & weekend lunch - we add extra servings & sides when Dave is home)
• I have a system in place for meal planning that I can teach her
• I made an excel spreadsheet of the meals I make, how much they cost and the approximate ingredients. She inputs the number of meals into one column and it calculates how much she'll be spending for the month. This is just automating meal planning for her benefit - I did it for years without a spreadsheet. When I put in the approximate ingredients, I didn't put it in the way you cook (4 Cups of milk) but the way you shop (1/8 gallon of milk)

Here are the steps

1. Make a list of which meals she'd like from each category (breakfast, weekday lunch, dinner & weekend lunch )
2. Plug those meals into an actual calendar to make sure she isn't making 3 chicken meals in a week (Dave's allergic to chicken).
3. Compare that list to the actual recipes to make a list of ingredients you'll need at the store.
4. Make a grocery list. (I have her consolidating step 3 & 4 by using the spreadsheet above.)

Besides the blank stares of disbelief, here are the answers to some questions I've gotten about my 13yr old doing this job --

Q: Isn't that too big of a job for a 13 yr old.

A: I don't throw a 13 yr old into this. They want to help stir cookies when they're 3. They learn to use the microwave under supervision when they're 7. They learn to make eggs & pancakes and breakfast stuff when they're 8. They learn to take things out of the oven when they're 10ish (depends on the kid). Doing the laundry for a family of 7 is no slacker's job and it's a big responsibility at 9 years old. For the kids who don't handle responsibility well, I provide consequences, rewards, reminders, timers, threats, encouragement -- and anything I can think of to help them shoulder the responsibility. Not including swiching laundry loads, it takes about 10 hrs/wk for a kid to fold all the laundry. These gradual responsibilities help train them to carry the next set so they're not overwhelmed when they have to run their own lives.

Q: Don't you feel like it interferes with your own spirituality not to serve your family in love?

A: It's much harder for me to let her do it than to do it myself. Yes, she's burned some meals. Yes, some haven't turned out. Yes, I'm taking a risk with our family's budget to have her do this. These are things that cause me to die to self in love of my children to help them become the people God means them to be. I'd rather her take these risks when she's under my tutelage than when she's broke and out on her own with no one to help her when she makes a mistake.

Q: Does she have any time to do anything but work?

A: It does take her quite a while to make meals (2 1/2 hours for a dinner I could do in 30-45 minutes) but she'll get faster. Meal planning takes about 5 hrs for the month using the tools above. Shopping takes about 4 hours for 1 month's worth. Yes, she gets more free time than I do, but less than the little kids. I'm not worried about overloading her with work. I definitely keep that in mind and check with her to see how she's doing with this much responsibility. With responsibility comes privileges (and she's happy for those).

Cleaning Day

Usually Saturday is our cleaning day, but we're having our priests and seminarian over for dinner tonight, so we're cleaning today. Everyone has been very helpful and are all earning alot for their allowance today. They're doing jobs like washing the dog, picking up the back yard, vacuuming & doing dishes. We've had to scrape dried cereal off diningroom chairs so grown-ups can sit on them, wash baseboards & walls & windows & doorknobs (always a sticky job).

Some kids are more excited about their individual jobs than others....

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Pork Chops were on sale, so that's what we're having. Here's my recipe :
Pork Chops Use the following as a rub on the chops - 1tsp salt 1/2 tsp pepper 1/2 tsp sage 1/2 tsp thyme bay leaf pinch allspice 1 clove garlic, mashed then, for the crockpot add - 1/2 cup water Crockpot for 8 hours on low and enjoy!

Kids Chores

How do I get my kids to do their chores?

Well, I insist on it. I've seen parents that are afraid to act like the parent - I'm not. They don't do anything fun until they do their chores. If they fight me on it (yell and cry) they go to their room until they're ready to do it -- joyfully. In our house, we believe our children are each a gift from God to our family. We also believe kids are capable of much more than today's society gives them credit for. I also treat them like children in that I use tons of encouragement and am satisfied with their best effort -- EVEN WHEN IT DOESN'T MEET MY ADULT STANDARDS. I'm not a drill Sergeant in making them make their beds over and over until it's perfect. On the other hand, I may make them re-sweep the floor if there are glaring spots they've missed. BALANCE, is called for and not making chores something they hate (they'll complain enough without us, as parents, making it worse.)

If we're talking about a laziness issue -- that's a separate post.

As a tool that teaches to the heart, I've found that firm, but unemotional discipline coupled with loving times (pats, glances, chats) to be fantastic. We made this Virtue-Vice Chart as a tool that slows down the discipline process and allows me time to think how I want to react rather than having to react immediately when I'm angry and can't think.

Basically, I'm the parent and since I believe chores are GOOD for my children, I make them. Some children naturally respond to this better than others. Do I allow them to go outside without their coat in winter -- even if they want to ? Nope. And I don't allow them to shirk their responsibilities to each other by not doing their chores.

What ages should I start chores?
My toddlers ALWAYS want to help. It's the hassle of my life (along with car seats). Even so, I let them help me. I give them a hand towel to carry while I carry the rest of the laundry. I pick up their doll and have them put it away. We make a game of picking up their blocks and toys. I reward them for their efforts, even when it's less than adult standards.

By the time they're in preschool (ages 3 or 4) they have their own daily chore (helping set the table) and are expected to pick up their own toys, sometimes with help.

What chores are appropriate for what ages?

There is lots of information on this online.

• http://www.printablechecklists.com/checklist11.shtml
• http://www.thefamilycorner.com/parenting/growingpains/3.shtml
• http://housekeeping.about.com/od/chorechart1/a/ageapprchores.htm

The chores my kids have this year, are

5yr old : sweep kitchen daily
7yr old : empty dishwasher daily
9yr old : clean 1 bathroom per day, mop floor once a week & take out trash once a week
11yr old : do dishes daily

They keep their daily jobs for a year and then we switch. We cross-train in the spring when school has ended for the jobs they'll have for the next year. That way they have all summer for me to follow-up on them and remind/retrain on the right way to do their job before they're just expected to do it on their own when school comes in the fall. I try really hard to make the retraining part not be a time when I'm frustrated and yelling at them for what they're not doing right. I want to empower them to do it, not frustrate them into discouragement.

They also have to clean their rooms (no allowance for that -- it's just an expectation), clean up after themselves, and whatever chores I ask them to do during the day. If they do them joyfully, they get an allowance.

My long-term goal is that they'll know how to do just about everything in the house by the time they're 13. Then, in the teen years, I'll teach them to juggle and multi-task to pull it all together. So far, we're mostly on track!

Kids' Vacation Budget.

How did we get to the place where our kids are taking the family on vacation?
They had been saving for a puppy.

In spring of 2005, Dave told them they could buy a puppy if they saved $200. At that time they thought it was impossible. Then in spring of 2006, they realized they were just about $20 from their goal. I was anxious and Dave was adamant - the time for the offer had expired. However, he hadn't told them there was a time limit. What's a loving parent to do (when you REALLY don't want a puppy?) We decided to divide and conquer.

Mama - "So, what would you do with your money if you didn't get a puppy?"
Kids, flatly - "We're getting a puppy."
Mama - "Well, but let's say you already had a puppy and you had this much money. What would you want to do with it?"
Ds4 "Go to Chuck E. Cheese."
Dd10 - "Buy books" (that's my girl).
Dd8 - "Go to the dollar store" (her dream store).
Ds6 - "Get a puppy."

So, then it was just a matter of getting them to dream of their individual goals rather than their group goals.
"Wow, Chuck E. Cheese would sure be cool." , "What's a book that you'd really like to own?"...
Ds4 was the easiest to break. "Your little brother has decided to take his money out of the puppy effort and go to Chuck E. Cheese. Once a person breaks from the puppy effort, the deal is then expired for that person."
Dd10 agreed, "O.K., I'd rather buy books."
Dd8 chose candy at the movies.
Ds6 was nonpulsed. "That's fine, I'll just save for a puppy on my own." Given enough time, he could have done it. So, Dave and I tried another tactic with him.

"Someone is giving away hamsters for free, so you could have a hamster, if you bought all the accessories to take care of it. I think that would be about $50." That did it and we've had no more serious puppy discussions.

This vacation will be our traditional January visit to our favorite state park inn. We stay in a suite that sleeps 6 at the 2-for-1 winter special they have going from Dec 1 - Feb 28th. I didn't think we'd be able to go this year. Dave's emergency appendectomy this fall put a crimp in our financial style. So the kids counted their pennies and asked me to add up the credits they had on their chart that wasn't in their money cups yet. They were thrilled to discover they had around $250 if they added it all up together. They'd been saving money from July - December througout 2006. Well, ds4 wanted the family to go to Chuck E. Cheese, so he took $25 of his money in June or so to do that. And Dd 9, spent around $10 at various dollar stores and another $10 or so buying sweets at the dollar movie this summer. Ds6 bought a hamster cage, toys & bedding for $50 this fall.


$25.00 - Tithe
$120.00 - 2 nights at the Inn
$50.00 - Dog Sitting fees for 6-7 visits to our home for provisions, potty & play
$50.00 - 2 Craft Room Visits for 4 kids
*Groceries for vacation to eat in the room $50 - Mama & Daddy
**Meals out ~3 $100 - Mama & Daddy

*Eating out of our room is so much cheaper. The room has a mini fridge & mini microwave. The room also had a private exterior patio and door. Last year, I thought I'd be smart and pack a cooler with more fridge supplies like cold meat slices & cheese and leave it outside on the patio without ice - it is winter in Indiana, after all. Can anyone see where this is going? (I didn't). Well, I guess racoons are really good at opening coolers and there was no food in the completely opened, overturned cooler that was dragged off the patio by the morning. It was that next morning that Dd10 told me she'd seen warning signs at the nature center about not leaving coolers outside overnight due to smart racoons. She hadn't said a thing the night before when I told everyone my brilliant idea.

**Eating at the restaurant at the Inn is REALLY pricey!! So, we don't do that. But the little town just outside the park has several restaurants, so we do get a few meals there after all my ice has melted in the cooler.

We ususally have the empty Inn and full-sized pool and hot tub almost to ourselves. We take sleds and boots for snow play. We buy flashlights - we never seem to keep one intact year to year - for evening hikes (I stay in the room and start the hot chocolate - I'm not an outdoorsey girl). We swim and go to the nature center where the naturalist focuses on our children, who are the only ones at the center. We bring one family read-aloud and laze around in between trips to the gameroom and craftroom. It's 2 1/2 days of lazy quiet. The kids still talk about the year we did an indian unit study while we stayed there and the things they learned.

Allowances

We do give our kids allowances (as evidenced by the fact that they're spending it to go on vacation for a couple of days). They have to tithe off what they earn, but then the rest is theirs.

• They have certain jobs they do that aren't for pay : cleaning their rooms, making their beds, folding and putting away their own laundry, etc.
• Then they have assigned jobs that they have to do that they can get paid for if they do the job joyfully: taking out the trash, sweeping the kitchen, emptying the trash, doing laundry...
• We also have a list of jobs they can earn money for if either I ask them to do it or they choose to do it.

We do this on a sliding scale and give credits for jobs done. Each credit is worth a quarter until they have 10 credits in a week. Then we double it and each credit is worth 50 cents until the end of the week when they start over again. We want them to be eager to work hard. On weeks that I highly encourage them (like we're having a Christmas party) and they're not doing school, dd10 has earned $14 in a week. Her average is about $2, though - she ususally doesn't quite reach 10 credits in a week. The younger kids tend to earn less as money isn't as big a motivator to work for hours at a time. Our credit system used to just sort of work, but as the kids are getting older, they are utilizing the ability to make money more often.

1. I went through each room and wrote down all the jobs I was willing to let the kids do (they aren't allowed to clean out the fireplace no matter how many times they ask).
2. Then I assigned how many credits each job is worth. For example in the kitchen, washing down all the counters with bleach water is worth 1 credit. Moping the tile in the kitchen & dining room area (which is joined together) is worth 2 credits. Scrubbing the tile on their hands and knees with a cloth is worth 3 credits. Also, jobs I intensely dislike they can earn alot of credits for because I'd rather pay them than do it myself. (I despise matching socks, so 10 matched pairs out of our overflowing large basket of unmatched socks is 1 credit).
3. Finally I decided if they could do that same job daily for credits, weekly or monthly.
4. Then I posted a chart organized by room.

My house still isn't the cleanest or most organized on the block, but this system has worked really well for us. I have a different chart we put with our calendar with columns of the kids' names at the top and rows of weeks and months listed. Then we use tally marks to keep track of credits.

If you'd like copy of any of my charts, just e-mail me, and I'll send it!