It happens without noticing

It happens every year. In January or February, I want to start planning for next year's school and my garden and my summer. But I feel so burdened by the stuff around me holding me down. I feel inefficient and ineffective. I start reorganizing, cleaning and reprioritizing. It's a labor of love and it feels so freeing. For several years I looked at this occurance as a pattern of failure. I'm not good at keeping up on my house and let it get out of control. I'm more materialistic than I realize and allow us to collect too much stuff. I'm not focussed enough on hommaking and making our home a reflection of Christ. Then I started seeing more to the pattern.

This pattern of seeing all the things in my home that need thrown away and working on my un-organized school happens to me year after year in January & February. I don't do resolutions for the New Year, so why the push in January? I've decided that it has so much more to do with Lent than with January being a new year.

By the time Lent comes, I've usually gotten things to a place where I can ignore my surroundings (because it's not in my way) and focus on the interior things holding me back. The sacrifices of Lent aren't so hard, because the exterior of my life has more order. The exterior chaos in my life has quieted, so I can listen to the interior chaos and allow Him to give me rest & peace. After just going through the pattern of seeing the dis-ordered places in my life and making them ordered, it isn't as difficult to look at the sin in my life, the dis-ordered parts of me, and allowing God to put them in His order through the help of the Holy Spirit and coming to Him in Reconciliation. I don't see my sin as a monster I can't control, but an opportunity to come home to Him. Not a seperation I can never breach, but His hand held out to me to draw me close and give me His peace, His order.

I'm AMAZED that God uses this same pattern in other people's lives, too! A sister on the Oro Et Laboro board noticed this January pattern, too. The fact that we can see these patterns says to me that God is faithful in our lives and is really allowing us to live out, even in our interiror lives, the ebb and flow of His liturgical year. I had wanted to live by His order, but didn't know how. I made an effort, but didn't know how to internalize it. So many people looked so much more faithful than I felt. All I could do was try and live out the liturgical year externally - and try to give my children the chance to internalize God's order. All I can do is all I can do and that is to continue to try, even in the face of my failings. In the face of my not being a good enough house keeper, he has cleared the way to make my path straight - straight to Him and who He made me to be. The ebb and flow of the liturgical year is a beautiful thing to live out. He is the "order" in electron patterns. He is the "order" in the change of seasons and He is the "order" in our lives. (Like, we say it -- but it's so cool to see it!)